The Act of Understanding

Last night was the meeting of the committee. What an incredible show of community spirit with people speaking with such passion about how best to help our new family who will arrive in mere weeks.

It's really important for me to try to keep perspective. This isn't a project.  It's about people. People are not projects.  I try to think of it as preparing for company that is arriving here and that we're just supposed to make them feel at home.  And while I sit and take the minutes and worry about agendas and sit through three hours of meetings which is important so that things are in place to make a successful transition it is important for me to always to bear in mind  that these are human lives with needs that are common to our own.

As a mother the number one desire I have is for my children to be safe and well and to have a home. A few years ago we made the decision to move from Ontario to Newfoundland. With two small children in school it was important for it to be a smooth transition. It was a big move by our standards but relatively small by contrast to the move the Syrian family is undertaking.

 But my desire, which I think I share with all parents, is for the contentment and ease of adjustment when such a move is chosen.

When I try to superimpose my own experiences into the lives of people who have experienced war, I cannot.  Nor can I place their experiences in my mind.   I can imagine the sheer horror and despair knowing your family is in danger and then making the decision to again remove them from what they've known for quite a while but I have been so privileged to never know it and imagining is not experiencing.

I am amazed and humbled by the strength that it takes to move to a country where things are new and different, where you are dependent upon strangers, don't know the language and have no family or friends there.  I am eternally grateful that we are given the opportunity to help.

So how can I fully understand? It's humbling to realize that I can't. The best I can do is guess.

If this were me, as a mother, as a family what would the needs be?

I would want to be able to provide for my children. I would want them to be safe and to meet friends. I would like for them to have as much food as they required.  And I personally would like to prepare it myself. I would like my family to earn its own way as soon as possible to not be beholden to others. My husband would want to work for an income as soon as possible. That would be very important to him. I would want to work for an income also but caring for the children would be a priority.  I would want to make my home comfortable and familiar.  It would be important to me to be able to be a part of the community and to have something to give back. I think I would love to volunteer at local charities that helped others so that I can be a giver too. The ability to share and give would be a huge loss if it were taken so I'd want to reclaim that.  I'd want my children to have opportunity and that would mean school. I would make learning the language a priority and would try to learn it.

And sometimes perhaps I would like to be asked what my needs are. Because I cannot assume that the above paragraph is relevant 100% and cannot guarantee I have not missed something.  People are individuals and families don't fit into a niche. Families need to be able to make their own individual niches and the members of that family then thrive in that comfortable place.

Independence for my family with inclusion and acceptance and support from the community. Pretty much like everybody else right?

It's so simple. All the tasks, training, jobs, assignments and research has the goal of this family becoming an independent entity surrounded by people who love them.  As we focus on the first part of this, doing the work of fundraising and setting up supports for all of the language and education, health and so on there is no doubt in my mind that the amazing people at the meeting last night and the wonderful hospitable residents of Lewisporte will handily take care of the last bit.

This article is a great read and very helpful also. Wise Counsel for First Time Sponsors.